The other day I was sitting in traffic with one of my best friends. I tell her, “I’m over dating you know.” She says, “You expect too much from too little.” I’m like, “What?” She says, “Well look at the guys in West Hollywood. They are all Ken Dolls, so plastic and looking for the next best thing.” Mind you that we are in her red Mercedes Benz. I said, “Everyone here is like that.” She says, “Not true! We live like that because we mold ourselves to fit in, but we are not all like that.” She goes on to say, “You love to look nice and go out but I know that you have a good heart. You would climb mountains for your friends and you’re always there for us. Now those Ken Dolls out there are not like you.” I felt so good at that moment, because I realized my friends really see me for me. They know I would give them my liver if it came to that point.
After a very long conversation I tell her, “I’m going to sign up to one of those gay dating sites.” I mean they say when in Rome do like the Romans, so I might as well follow the crowd for once in my life. She says, “Go ahead! What can you really lose?” “My dignity,” I replied. We sat there laughing for a minute. We get home, I sign up, and the hunt begins. Unfortunately a profile on the site I signed up for takes like a couple of hours to approve so we had to wait till the next day.
The next day she comes over to my house and we log on to what she likes to call, “My dick catalog.” As we skim through the cyber pages of this infamous “dick catalog” I start to realize that a whole lot of people have a profile on there. Friends, acquaintances, people I see out at the clubs, and even guys who I didn’t think would have one because they have a boyfriend. Luckily she has an opened mind because the pictures on some of these profiles are a bit intense. I mean some of them look like they should be on a porn magazine; actually some look like they shouldn’t be online period. As we continue to look around and read profiles we realize that these guys are looking for a quick fix. Although the site is intended to meet guys – the gays have turned it into a quick fix hook up arena, which is not uncommon seeing that testosterone runs in our veins.
My friend who is absolutely intelligent (a law student I must add) says, “This is crap!” I’m like, “What?” “This is all crap! You don’t go to Nordstroms to buy your tomatoes.” I looked at her with a puzzled face. How can she compare with the “dick catalog,” it wasn’t making any sense. “All these guys are on here with crazy descriptions like, ‘meet, cum, go,’ yet they want a relationship in real life. Then other ones say, ‘here to find fun and maybe a boyfriend,’ like seriously? You don’t sign up for this website to find a boyfriend – just like you don’t go to Nordstroms to buy your tomatoes.”
Although I understood her argument and her points, I wasn’t totally convinced because several of my guy friends have met a boyfriend through these sites. I mean… it’s one of those one in a million sort of deals, but at the same time if several of my friends found “love,” why can’t I?
I sat there thinking of the many points she brought up and I had no way to convince myself that she was wrong. I’ve gone out on several dates with guys who want a relationship yet I found their profiles on this site stating that they are looking for “quick fun.” So are they really looking to date or are they looking for a hook up? I understand that for a quick fix the Internet is the place to go, but what about intimacy and substance?
In an effort to find a decent online dating site I signed up for like 5 and they were all literally hook up sites. I mean everything the gays touch has become sexually driven, which is not a bad thing, but man does it get frustrating.
So in conclusion most of these gay sites are man meat markets. You log on, meet up, and get off. Or as that one person had it, “Meet, cum, and go.” There is NOTHING wrong with man meat markets and there is nothing wrong with a little “she bang she bang” here and there, but if you’re looking for a site that has substance you need to browse around. As a gay man I can say that gay men use sex liberally. It is like showering or shopping to “us”. I have tons of girlfriends and they always talk about sex like it is sacred and special. Some of them only have sex after several dates and some have sex with guys after several drinks. In the gay culture I’ve notice that “we” have sex with other guys after several online messages which usually consist of, “Hi, how are you?, where are you, penis size?, let’s meet.”
So here is a question: What are guys who are trying to date suppose to do? If all the guys we see out at the clubs/bars are on these hook up sites, then what? Can a guy really go from hooking up and having options to being just monogamous?